Solidarity: Bullying is NOT a feminist issue

Yet again I’m taking a break from preparing a longer article about the plethora of feminist twaddle that’s going on in the UK because something really important has caught my attention.

 

I’m writing this post in solidarity with Tarnished Sophia, who has very bravely shared her experiences of bullying, as well as several other writers.

 

Her post can be read here and is very moving. So much of it resonated with me, which is why I have been moved to write. There is no way that anything I experienced was quite as appalling as Sophia’s blog describes, but a lot of it rang true, so here is a brief description of what I went through and why it has certainly contributed to my belief that feminism is a load of bull.

 

I was always very different to all the other kids – and I went to quite a few schools! A lot of things were going on at home that I didn’t understand, I was dyslexic, and I had massive general knowledge and interests in things the other kids had never heard of. I was also rather unattractive. All this combined to result in me having a horrific experience until I turned about 15 and grew smart enough to realise what I needed to do to beat those morons at their own game.

 

In my time at school I was called EVERY nasty name you can possibly think of, spat on, kicked, punched, tripped up, tricked, laughed at, jeered at, insulted, told that my parents were divorced because they didn’t love me. EVERYTHING. You name it, it happened to me. Some of it did have to do with my gender, but ALL of it was done by both boys and girls. Children (and ignorant people) are programmed to attack anything different from themselves, anything threatening, anything unusual – so of course a lot of noticeable things about someone will often be connected to their gender such as hair, body shape, clothes, puberty etc. But we need to remember that these kinds of comments are a symptom of the fact that the people saying them (young or old) have no respect for others, not the cause of the problem. Of all nastiness I went through at school, I would not say that sexism was a part of it.

 

The most painful thing, though, had nothing to do with all this. The most painful thing was the exclusion. The refusal of many (and sometimes all) the members of my class(es) to admit that I was a person. People refused to sit near me, talk to me, work with me, and if they did ever give me attention it was to say something utterly vile; I actually remember wearing a nice new coat to school once and being told that it was too good for me and it was a shame that a better person couldn’t have it. This kind of behaviour was always spearheaded by the girls.

 

As I got older, I started to learn how to get along with the other kids – usually by dumbing my own opinions down unfortunately. Things improved, but I was frequently accused (always by females so it happens) that I was going out of my way to be different – this is a cheap, old trick that jealous people use to make you feel bad about yourself – NEVER let it get you down. One of the things the girls taunted and excluded me for was my strong non-feminist attitude. They would laugh at me, assert ‘there’s no difference between men and women’, and then promptly live their lives with no other objective than getting boys to like them – another reason for my hatred of feminist hypocrisy and belief that it is a totally self-defeating argument. I still cannot get over the irony that by the time I was 15 I was the only non-feminist female I knew, and yet often the only one who could have an normal conversation or friendship with a member of the opposite sex without turning it into some kind of immature game.

 

Please don’t let the feminists hijack this issue like they are doing with everything else – in the UK at the moment our government is finally dealing with the issue of what should and shouldn’t be available online. That’s important – the discussion needed to happen at some point, however it is happening on totally feminist terms, and many of the actions taking force are being dictated by the feminist agenda. This is wrong and frightening. National Socialism fixed a lot of problems in post Weimar Germany – but then look what happened when the ideology became inseparable from righteousness. Please don’t let bullying be the next domino in this disturbing chain of events.

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About femalefedupwithfeminism

I am a very proud non feminist female. I believe that women and men are equally valid as people and I don't think women need an 'ism' to prove this. I don't believe in the 'patriarchy'. I don't believe that it is harder to be a woman than to be a man. I don't believe that everything that is gender specific is automatically sexist. I do not hate or wish harm to anyone; I simply believe that there is a more mature and constructive way of dealing with many of the problems faced by both men and women in today's confusing and changing world than applying what is essentially a fundamentalist ideology to every aspect of society and culture.
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18 Responses to Solidarity: Bullying is NOT a feminist issue

  1. Firstly, I think what happened to you is appalling. And yes, it doesn’t sound like the patriarchy was to blame, just the meaner, pettier parts of human nature. But also I have to say that none of these so-called ‘feminists’ you encountered represent what I believe in, which is that no person should be judged on their appearance, and that the genders are equal and should be treated as such. Jealousy amongst girls is a widely recognised problem, but as a feminist I believe that this is because we are encouraged to compete with each other rather than support each other – divide and conquer, if you like.

    • Hi Alexandra,

      Thanks for your reply and kind comments.

      I personally believe that the view you have expressed dehumanises women by virtue of the denial of agency. Can’t we hold women responsible for their own urge to compete with one another, rather than ascribing it to some outside force (I assume you mean ‘the patriarchy’) that supposedly has malicious intent? I think that the urge to blame an outside force is very tempting because it simplifies matters and also provides an easy scapegoat and perceived solution.

      Men are also very competitive with one another, but in different ways – and I personally don’t have a problem with the idea that there are inherent differences between the two genders. Life is always competitive, and the pettier the people the more competitive they are – look at things like education, the workplace, and sport. Everyone starts off wanting to be the best – that’s a natural desire and something that we all have to learn as we grow up is that ‘being the best’ isn’t always the right or mature objective. The only way we can ever expect girls to stop competing with one another would be to erase femininity all together – which BTW is what I must assume feminists actually want if you draw many of their arguments to their logical conclusion. I don’t think that needs to happen myself, because I do see my femininity as a natural thing. It is something I embrace entirely and will defend.

      • Yes, I absolutely see your point. Competition is everywhere and to an extent it is healthy. The kind of competition I was speaking of was not the healthy kind. I have only anecdotal evidence, though, so I’ll leave it there.
        As for traditional femininity, I’m a big fan of it myself. I think more modern fourth-wave feminism should be about choices. We can represent our gender however we wish. I’m highly feminine and don’t consider that a weakness, in fact my definition of feminism defends my right to be feminine but also respected.
        I’m open minded about possible inherent differences between the genders, although I do find the media’s lop-sided coverage of the scientific literature very unhelpful.

  2. Thanks Alexandra! I fully agree that a lot of things encourage people to compete on a shallow level, and I can understand that many women see feminism as a way to confront and deal with this – I just wish we could divorce feminist theory from some of the other issues which I agree are really important.

  3. Thank you so much for talking about my post here. I’m very sympathetic to what you’ve gone through. Your experiences were similar to mine in one incredibly important way: The refusal of our tormentors to see us as another thinking, feeling being. In their eyes, we were “less”…something I see echoed in society to an alarming degree when it comes to the sexes, skin color, age, ability, etc.

    I hope that your story will help to raise awareness against bullying, as I pray mine will do as well.

  4. Copyleft says:

    The thing is, your experience would be swiftly transformed into yet more proof of “the eeevuls of patriarchy” in feminist hands–even though you explicitly note that it was both boys AND girls bullying you, and that in fact the girls took extra pains to be abusive. In feminist-speak, those girls were victims too… of the boys and the system they were inheriting.

    This is why conversations with the most radical feminists go nowhere–they literally cannot see or comprehend anything that doesn’t align with their “men are to blame” worldview. So obviously your bad experience was either a) due to men, or b) something that didn’t happen, you shameless liar. If it doesn’t fit the narrative, it can’t be true.

    • That’s why I find their argument so inherently contradictory and biased. It runs like this:

      Men are responsible for all the bad things they do.

      Men are responsible for all the bad things women do.

      Well, this only works if you believe that women genuinely have less agency than men, which is why the only truly sexist group that I am currently aware of right now are feminists themselves.

  5. Gemini Gemma says:

    Have you read Twisted Sisterhood? The basic premise is that majority of women’s problems are caused by other women. And I happen to agree with that. In my time in high school, I feel more girls were against me when compared to boys. I am really sorry about your experience. http://www.amazon.com/The-Twisted-Sisterhood-Unraveling-Friendships/dp/0345520513

    • I haven’t but will certainly have a read! I’m new to this and so still getting to know who/what is out there so recommendations like this are very welcome. Also, thanks for your kind comments – I do want to make it clear that all of the things I listed did not by any means happen to me every single day, and also that many other people have a worse time of school than I did, but it was a horrible experience and I wouldn’t wish it on my worst enemy!

  6. Gemini Gemma says:

    After all, it is women who propagate violence against women and force little girls to go through FGM.

  7. Fidelbogen says:

    It is always a pleasure to find another person who is fed up with feminism, especially when that persons produces such a thoughtful and well-written blog as the one I am reading here. Consider yourself bookmarked, and keep up the good work!

    ~Fidelbogen~
    counterfem.blogspot.com

  8. Thanks for such a supportive comment – and also for your fantastic blog which I’ve just discovered!

  9. I was bullied a lot as a kid too, I was skinny and intelligent, a recipe for disaster. One thing that sticks out to me the most was the times I was defended by someone else, instead of like feeling this hope for humanity or whatever, it actually made me feel worse. A mix of ‘I dont deserve to be defended’ and a pathetic-ness that I could not defend myself.

    I actually would suspect that girls like you and Sophia, BECAUSE you were bullied make you more sympathetic to males plight against feminism because you have been victims.

    • Thanks Erudite Knight – yes, I thing that having endured awful treatment and having been able to observe the fact that it is so much more complicated than people imagine has a lot to do with it. When I walk down the street and a man makes a disgusting noise at me, that is not very nice, but I personally have had too many experiences of people really attacking me to know that this does not make me a ‘victim’. Just because other people are rude and have no self control does not mean that society is totally stacked against me!

    • boteotu says:

      Same here… Skinny and intelligent (still am), and bullied on a regular basis growing up. In my case, though, it was uncommon for people to want to stand up for me.
      I don’t often make friends, but when I do they’re usually miss-fits in one or more ways, I think because those are the only people I can ever really relate to.

  10. I meant that for women construe a leery comment as evidence of the ‘patriarchy’ is skipping a few steps when it comes to logic!

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